I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube.

Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.

It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

The outfits come and go but there is a constant that I like about the catwalk model: the snotty expression.

Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.

My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.