Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.

If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.

Every generation of children has its private hero.

Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?