Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

The real change that paintings undergo is in the perceptions of the viewer.

It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.

My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.

If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s.