Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo.

I like doing things I haven't learnt about yet. I've always been interested in art, and I love doing art.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

The outfits come and go but there is a constant that I like about the catwalk model: the snotty expression.

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.