Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.

I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.

After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.

It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket.

It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

I am 54 and age is slowly writing itself on my face.

My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.