Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

Acting is the most demanding, painful job in the world.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo.

After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.

It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket.