Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.

It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket.

I am 54 and age is slowly writing itself on my face.

The outfits come and go but there is a constant that I like about the catwalk model: the snotty expression.

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.

I like doing things I haven't learnt about yet. I've always been interested in art, and I love doing art.

I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube.