Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.

I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo.

If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.

I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube.

Reading the play at home, however fulfilling, can never be the vivacious experience that Shakespeare intended.

After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.