Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.

I like doing things I haven't learnt about yet. I've always been interested in art, and I love doing art.

After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.

If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s.

An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.

The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance.

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.