And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.