Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.

Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.

I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.

'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.