I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.

'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.

I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.