I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.

Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.

'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.

You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.