I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting.

I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.

Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.

At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota

You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.