The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.
Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.
Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.