My mother would say, before I left the house, 'Remember Art, hugs are better than drugs.' And I believed my mother, I believed everything she said - until the first time I got high at a party. I leaned back, and I went, 'God, this is way better than when my Uncle Perry hugs me. What else has my mother been lying to me about?

I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.

If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.

I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.

I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.

A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him.

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that