I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is.

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.

For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah.