Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.