Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

My mother would say, before I left the house, 'Remember Art, hugs are better than drugs.' And I believed my mother, I believed everything she said - until the first time I got high at a party. I leaned back, and I went, 'God, this is way better than when my Uncle Perry hugs me. What else has my mother been lying to me about?

The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.

I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.

I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust