It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.

When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.

'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.

In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.

I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.

I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.