I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.

I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is.

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.

I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.

I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.