In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.

When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.

When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.

You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.

If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.