I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.

When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.