Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete.

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of cocaine.