Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.

I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.