What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!

Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.

I always have my setlist planned out, but the best moments are when the energy of the crowd just gets your mind working and you are able to come up with new tags for jokes and just riff off things in the room.

The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay.

I never had the desire to be a professional Twitterer. Every now and then something dumb pops into my head and I'll tweet it. I don't feel any obligation to respond to everyone. Not that I don't appreciate people sending me messages on there, but there are too many. Responding to everyone would take away time for all the stuff I'm actually in the business for.

As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.

I think absurdist humor is funny.