So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face.

I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with, or work with. That's such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.

Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.

Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!

I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.

The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.