Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.

I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.

I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.

I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.'

Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.

I think absurdist humor is funny.

What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!