Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
Aziz AnsariI spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.
Aziz AnsariEveryone's first thought is "These women are going to take advantage of you" or "Someone's only going to date you because you're famous." That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
Aziz AnsariZerts' are what I call desserts. 'Trรฉe-trรฉes' are entrรฉes. I call sandwiches 'sammies,' 'sandoozles,' or 'Adam Sandlers.' Air conditioners are 'cool blasterz' with a 'z' - I don't know where that came from. I call cakes 'big ol' cookies.' I call noodles 'long-ass rice.' Fried chicken is 'fry-fry chicky-chick.' Chicken parm is 'chicky-chicky-parm-parm.' Chicken cacciatore? 'Chicky-cacc.' I call eggs 'pre-birds,' or 'future birds.' Root beer is 'super water.' Tortillas are 'bean blankets.' And I call forks 'food rakes.'
Aziz Ansari