It's much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way.

What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!

Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?

When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I'm obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing.

I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.

You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.

If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.