It's much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way.

Everyone just did what their parents did. So that immediately made me skeptical of the whole religion thing, even as a kid. So I never was really into religion as a concept.

You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.

If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan." And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.

Maybe that's why I don't like religion because the first introduction to it was, you don't get to do that thing you just discovered that you really enjoy.

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.

Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!