Love is next to Godliness with certain safeguards.

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.

My heroines are always virgins. They never go to bed without a ring on their fingers; not until page 118 at least.

A woman should say: 'Have I made him happy? Is he satisfied? Does he love me more than he loved me before? Is he likely to go to bed with another woman?' If he does, then it's the wife's fault because she is not trying to make him happy.

I consider myself an expert on love, sex and health. Without health you can have very little of the other two.

The reason why Englishmen are the best husbands in the world is because they want to be faithful. A Frenchman or an Italian will wake up in the morning and wonder what girl he will meet. An Englishman wakes up and wonders what the cricket score is.

I have always found women difficult. I don't really understand them. To begin with, few women tell the truth.