There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously.

Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.

I have outlived most of my more athletic contemporaries who jogged, golfed and squashed themselves into coronary occlusion.

I like people who are slightly unhygienic. A little grubbiness isn't so bad. BO chic it should be called.

Sport is a loathsome and dangerous pursuit.

The whole point of art, aside from the aesthetic pleasure it yields, is that it provides a bridge to the past; that seductive land where we all find certainty and consolation. Nothing quite spans this gulf with such immediacy as the art of popular song.

The past is so reliable, so delightful and the best place to live.