Actually I'd always thought he sat in the library with a slim volume of metaphysical poetry until the commissioner called him on the bat phone and summoned him into action. Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale - to the Jag mobile.

On the plus side, there were no rioters in sight but on the minus side this was probably because everywhere I looked was on fire.

It's a police mantra that all members of the public are guilty of something, but some members of the public are more guilty than others.

What do you think you're doing?

I gave the prescribed Metropolitan Police "first greeting". "Oi!" I said "What do you think you're doing?

...good-Samaritanism in London is considered an extreme sport - like base-jumping or crocodile-wrestling.

Despite my mum being from a small village in the middle of a forest, I'm not a country person. I don't like my bacon sandwich to be curiously snuffling at my fingers. But sometimes being police means holding your breath and fondling a pig.