I'm just the least funny person in a room full of funny people, which is basically every single day of work for me.

No one ever died with too much money.

I do not sell life insurance. I sell money. I sell dollars for pennies apiece. My dollars cost 3 cents per dollar per year.

I rarely use the telephone because he may not want to see me. I have a better chance of seeing the man I want to see if I do go. Besides, switchboard girls and secretaries have become very good. They've learned to take you apart. 'Who? Why? What for? What company?' You don't always get by. I seldom call on the phone. I'd rather go.

You are already broke and don't even know it.

Most people buy not because they believe, but because the sales person believes.

I get up in the morning and I put on makeup and then I say somebody else's words in someone else's clothes, and then I go home and watch TV, have a glass of whisky and go to bed. And I'm overcompensated for that. So it's insane to not use that pedestal to try and at least help someone or something that's in need.