My dad told me at the very beginning of my career, basically, "If you're gonna have a megaphone, you're gonna need to use it to do some kind of good." He has always been aggravated by any kind of celebrities that don't have any charities or love or passion or something they're trying to help.

I think I'm the funniest guy in a room full of unfunny people.

If you’ve got a problem make it a procedure and it won’t be a problem anymore.

If people understood what life insurance does, we wouldn't need salesmen to sell it. People would come knocking on the door. But they don't understand.

Your value depends on what you make of yourself. Make the most of yourself for that is all there is of you.

If you're starting to lose your faith in the general intelligence of the American populous, there's nothing like them mistaking pop culture for Van Gogh as a sign that people still read their history books and care about art.

I do not sell life insurance. I sell money. I sell dollars for pennies apiece. My dollars cost 3 cents per dollar per year.