Your value depends on what you make of yourself. Make the most of yourself for that is all there is of you.

You haven’t done anything wrong. You just haven’t done anything, and that’s what’s wrong.

Goals aren't enough. You need goals plus deadlines: goals big enough to get excited about and deadline to make you run. One isn't much good without the other, but together they can be tremendous.

If you're starting to lose your faith in the general intelligence of the American populous, there's nothing like them mistaking pop culture for Van Gogh as a sign that people still read their history books and care about art.

The basic purpose of life insurance is to create cash…nothing more or nothing less. Everything else confuses and complicates.

Unfortunately, my career is increasingly leading me into rooms where everybody is funny.

I think I'm the funniest guy in a room full of unfunny people. Unfortunately, my career is increasingly leading me into rooms where everybody is funny. I'm the least funny person in a room full of funny people.