Unfortunately, my career is increasingly leading me into rooms where everybody is funny.

Goals aren't enough. You need goals plus deadlines: goals big enough to get excited about and deadline to make you run. One isn't much good without the other, but together they can be tremendous.

You've got a problem. Part of what you own isn't yours. It belongs to Uncle Sam. May I show you how much belongs to Uncle Sam?

Youll have the same problems when I walk out, as you had when I walked in... unless you let me take your problems with me.

I'm just the least funny person in a room full of funny people, which is basically every single day of work for me.

You are already broke and don't even know it.

Your biggest asset is a positive attitude. That more than anything else determines your earnings.