I think I'm the funniest guy in a room full of unfunny people. Unfortunately, my career is increasingly leading me into rooms where everybody is funny. I'm the least funny person in a room full of funny people.

My dad told me at the very beginning of my career, basically, "If you're gonna have a megaphone, you're gonna need to use it to do some kind of good." He has always been aggravated by any kind of celebrities that don't have any charities or love or passion or something they're trying to help.

If people understood what life insurance does, we wouldn't need salesmen to sell it. People would come knocking on the door. But they don't understand.

When you realize the writers start writing to who you are, you're basically reading reviews of yourself. And then it becomes this cyclical nightmare where I feel like I need to play into it, then I find myself acting like the character in real life.

If you're starting to lose your faith in the general intelligence of the American populous, there's nothing like them mistaking pop culture for Van Gogh as a sign that people still read their history books and care about art.

The key to a sale in an interview, and the key to an interview is a disturbing question.

I do not sell life insurance. I sell money. I sell dollars for pennies apiece. My dollars cost 3 cents per dollar per year.