Youll have the same problems when I walk out, as you had when I walked in... unless you let me take your problems with me.

You've got a problem. Part of what you own isn't yours. It belongs to Uncle Sam. May I show you how much belongs to Uncle Sam?

I do not sell life insurance. I sell money. I sell dollars for pennies apiece. My dollars cost 3 cents per dollar per year.

You haven’t done anything wrong. You just haven’t done anything, and that’s what’s wrong.

I think I'm the funniest guy in a room full of unfunny people. Unfortunately, my career is increasingly leading me into rooms where everybody is funny. I'm the least funny person in a room full of funny people.

If you look at the history of advertising, most of them were Jews, so it was only a matter of time before 'Mad Men' explored that area of advertising.

I don't like horror, which is ridiculous because I've been in three horror movies, but when I see those things, I see camera tricks and fake blood and actors screaming and I don't know understand why other actors don't see that.