People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'

Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.

Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

I got ham but I'm not a Hamster

If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.