People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.

Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.

How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!

I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.

It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.