A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.

There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.

So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!

I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'

Nostalgia: How long's that been around?