Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."

Thank God for Darwin, eh?

It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.

"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.