A feminist jumps out of a manhole - oh, and she didn't like that.

I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine

This shed does not contain me.

I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.

Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.