Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.

It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.

The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.

Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit