If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.

People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'

This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."

Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.