The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.

It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.

I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.

"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?