The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.

But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"

I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.

How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig.