I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill BaileyTelevision is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.
Bill BaileyBut our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
Bill BaileyThe reason we'd stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom. Whoever was charged with making the announcement momentarily lost all sense of procedure and we got this tantalizing glimpse into the chaos on the trains, and all we could hear was (bangs on microphone) "Gary, it's burning, what we gonna do?!" And everyone on the carriage just cheered, "Hooray! We're rubbish!"
Bill Bailey