It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.

What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

I am a confectionery-based existentialist.