Thank God for Darwin, eh?

I got ham but I'm not a Hamster

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it

You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey, the so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing. Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.

The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.

Work hard, save and live within your means.