I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.

The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!