This shed does not contain me.

How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!

This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."

My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn't just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.

"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.