This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."
Bill BaileyJoke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
Bill BaileyI suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
Bill BaileyLive comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
Bill Bailey