Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Stupid National Anthem... Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? "Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit."