Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

This shed does not contain me.

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.