Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.

I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'