I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!