I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.

Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit

It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.