Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.

How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.