Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.